4 Reasons Marriages Fail and How to Fix Them

For a lot of couples, changing seasons is a difficult time.  They celebrate one more year but inwardly they know their marriage seems to be failing.  Often, marriages that seem outwardly successful are privately failing.  How can you fix a failing marriage? 

Marriage failures usually come down to four main causes:

1. “Stress”—The pressure to perform and succeed;

2. “Abuse”—Appetites that get out of control;

3. “Pace”—Something in life is out of balance;

4. “Pressure”—Your emotions are boiling over.

How do you build a HEDGE around your HOME?

1. “Stress”: Build a wall between your MIND and your CAREER

   Get off the phone. Many Americans are checking their phone 150 times a day (about 10 times an hour)! Wean yourself off of obsessive communication and information. It’s destroying your marriage.

   Develop a time matrix. You cannot be “on call” 24 hours a day. Develop time where you are REALLY “off,” a true Shoot for a “family night” and a “date night” once a week.

   Never allow your career to become another “lover” where your mind is on your business or ministry 80% of the time.

2. “Abuse”: Build a wall between your FLESH and ENTICEMENT

   Run from substance abuse. The pressures of success are driving millions to pills, alcohol, and drug abuse. Millenia of history prove that addictive habits destroy relationships.

   Pornography, affairs and other sexual abuses must be met head-on. Use internet filters and small group accountability to “build a wall” between yourself and a destructive temptation.

3. “Pace”: Build a wall between your PLEASURE and OBSESSION

   Hobbies bring pleasure but can quickly become obsessive. Sports, travel, shopping, hunting and a host of other wonderful, fun things can quickly get out of balance and destroy intimacy.

   Sexual pleasure in marriage can also become obsessive. Focus on fellowship, fun, and mutual hobbies and sex will be the natural by-product.

4. “Pressure”: Build a wall between your EMOTIONS and your WORDS

   Learn to be merciful—If you cannot instantaneously, spontaneously forgive, your marriage will never make it.

   Learn to be pure in heart—Don’t carry bitterness over even one day. Unresolved bitterness leads to “hardness of heart,” the very reason Jesus gave for all divorce.

Learn to be a peacemaker.

• Be quiet: Learn to “shut your mouth,” even when you want to loose your tongue!

• Be confidential: Be loyal when your spouse has shared an intimate secret.

• Be apologetic: Be humble and quick to see your own fault in a conflict.

ACTION POINTS: 

• How would you rate your marriage right now on a scale 1-10?

• Which one of these four areas is the most difficult for you?

• What is ONE CHANGE you can make in each of these four areas to improve?

I PROMISE YOU that if you make one simple change in each of these areas, your marriage will turn around this year!

COMMENT: “What area do you need the most work on?”