Five causes of an offense and how to remove it

“A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle” (Prov. 18:19)

Out of the 8 billion people on this planet, a high percentage have a deep offense against someone else.

That offense becomes “set in stone” like a strong castle.

It becomes like the bars of a jail.

Some offenses last for decades.

“Enough is enough.”  

God can soften your heart and burst open those concrete walls and steel bars of an offense.

Think about these five factors in resolving an ancient,  “stone-cold, iron-clad” offense:

1. If you don’t resolve it, you may find yourself isolated.

If you maintain an elaborate set of offenses, you gradually become more isolated.  People start figuring out that you don’t forgive easily and become hesitant to form deep friendships.

Make a list of people you are offended by.  Ask God to give you the grace to forgive and even to pray for them.

You will start attracting people who want to know you, get close to you, and even confide in you

2.  Restrain your words instead of expressing your opinion about everything.

I struggle with this!  My opinion matters, and I blurt it out before I am even asked to express it.

Constant opinionating hardens offenses.  

You comment on every little subject, news story, and person.  People become offended at you, knowing you have strong opinions about everything and everyone.

Start asking others for their thoughts and opinions instead of always expressing yours.

Their hearts will soften toward you when you want to learn from them instead of “enlightening” everyone about your thoughts on every subject.

3. Refuse to gossip and “whisper.”

When you gossip about others who are not present, people realize you may be talking about THEM when they are not present!

Lowering your voice, pulling someone to the side, and whispering a dainty “morsel” of information about another party will reinforce an offense.

Look at “whispering” like a match in dry woods.  It can return to the one you are whispering about and reinforce an offense for many years.  

4.  Listen to both sides of a case before joining a side.

You can offend someone by forming a fast opinion before hearing both sides.

Invariably, the first side to present their case seems right.  Hearing the other side, however, may seem just as right!  

Be a fair listener.  

5.  Stop an argument before it becomes an offense.

Many huge, reinforced offenses came from small discussions or conversations.

“The beginning of strife is like letting out water,  so quit before the quarrel breaks out.”  (Prov. 17:14).

Recognize the potential a small disagreement has to balloon into a hurricane.  Make light of something about it.  Agree with them about something they say in the discussion.  Leave with an agreement to disagree and thank them for such a lively discussion.

Let’s pull down the “castle bars” and “city walls” of offense.  Jesus came to be a peacemaker, a reconciler.  Ask Him to heal every offense in your heart….and in the hearts of your offended friends or family.