How to handle people with a “craving for controversy”

Some people crave controversy.

It feeds their narcissistic self. They must be the center of attention, and social media now provides that.

They are told by the experts how to create controversy.  It feeds their image and brand.

They are “puffed up with conceit and understand nothing.” They have “an unhealthy craving for controversy and for quarrels about words, which produce envy, dissension, slander, evil suspicions, and constant friction….” (1 Tim. 6:4)

What should you do with someone like this?

Leave them alone.

Here is how you handle the “controversy kings (or queens)”:

1. Don’t aid their cause.

Repeating someone’s self-made controversy only helps it to spread.

My grandmother was burning some trash in our back pasture.  It got out of hand, and she started beating it with a broom.  Instead of putting it out, it spread and burned down the whole pasture!

Put down your broom and get out some water.

“Water” is bland and tasteless. It ignores a controversy and refuses to spread it by walloping it with a “broom.”

Every word you answer is used to fuel the fire further.

2. Consider the source.

That was my grandfather’s famous phrase.  When someone made an ignorant accusation against him, he merely replied, “Consider the source.”

Some people are not worth replying to. Paul said answering them produces “envy, dissension, slander, evil suspicions, and constant friction.”

Your one action (“answering them”) produces five bad by-products!

Their past track record is usually strewn with bad relationships and volatile verbal fights.

“Consider the source.”

3. Reputation is not integrity.

People today actively seek to smear your reputation.  With media as it is, they may succeed.

However, they cannot touch your integrity.  

The fact that someone successfully clouds your reputation should not discourage you if your integrity remains intact.

Only you can know that.  Your conscience may be completely clear amid the fog of controversy.

4. Hold your opinions.

“Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.  Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise…” (Prov. 17: 27-28)

Don’t tie your ego to your opinions.

You don’t have to win every argument and justify every opinion.

A person with a “cool spirit” who “keeps silent” is considered wise in a controversy.

God will justify you and fight your battles.

5. Seek to understand.

Many people who have a “craving for controversy” have a rejection issue.  

They feel that no one cares about them or the hurts they have faced.

When you seek to understand, it disarms them.  No one ever does that for them.  

They may have a legitimate point.  None of us are beyond making a mistake.  You can still fall in love with someone who has sparked a controversy about you or your beliefs.

You don’t need controversy to embellish your image or your brand.

You can be known as a wise, cool-headed person of integrity.  

Let God be in charge of your reputation.