Engagement: The Secret to a Lifetime of Love
Everyone knows that when you decide to marry you get engaged.
Everyone does NOT know, however, that it is also the secret to staying married.
Want to know more? Read below.
I still remember the night I got engaged. I had hidden a note in the altar of a small chapel. Melanie read the note, I popped the question, and the rest is a 42 year love story.
My wife recently lost the diamond for her ring. I took the opportunity to “re-propose” to her on one knee while giving her a new ring! We got “re-engaged!”
Check out these thoughts about engagement:
1. Love that is not engaged is passive.
Staying “engaged” in marriage is like staying plugged in to a wall socket. A phone can work on a battery for a season, but anything unplugged is destined to die.
When two people no longer engage with each other socially, spiritually, conversationally and intellectually, it is just a matter of time.
2. Technology is not the cure-all for engagement.
We think that access to each other by cell phone means awesome engagement. IT DOES NOT. In fact, technology has become the enemy in many regards.
Couples sit for hours near each other but immersed in their private technological space. Their texts are brief, hard to read emotionally, and sometimes hilariously autocorrected! Turn the phone off, look into each other’s eyes, and ENGAGE.
“When two people no longer engage with each other socially, spiritually, conversationally and intellectually, it is just a matter of time.”
3. Engagement is two people pushing an experience higher and higher together.
Disengaged couples are bored. Their interests move in different directions. There is virtually no conversation. Even special events feel flat and unrewarding.
When I engage my spouse in a conversation, it should push a subject higher, more interesting, and more life-changing. When I take her on a date, it should feel like each date is more special and intentional. Engaged couples have continual fun together.
4. Engagement is the science of discovery.
When you think you know everything about someone, you disengage. When you are convinced that you have only scratched the surface on a partner, you engage to discover more.
Discovery is MY job. I have to be such a good listener that I pick up on small statements that lead to whole new worlds of opportunity and exploration together.
5. Engagement is taking full responsibility for everything.
There is nothing in our marriage that is “out of bounds” for me to do. The answer is “YES!” I don’t want to allow my partner to silently carry an entire area of drudgery and duty. I want to jump in there with them, get my hands busy, and ENGAGE.
A “couch potato” partner is a turn-off. They sit idly by while their partner completes project after project, offering only their occasional glance from their distracted eyes! Then, they want to jump in bed and “engage” in sex. It doesn’t work that way!
You got engaged? Then GET ENGAGED. Plug in. Get off the phone. Stay “with it.”
It’s true love.