Trust is the Secret Place in a Relationship

All relationships start with trust.

The more we trust, the more we let our guard down.  We relax.  We invite others into the “secret spaces” of our heart, our soul, our finances, our dreams.

Many people find it hard to trust anyone at all.  Someone who was invited into that “secret space” betrayed them.  They disappointed them.  Now, they sit alone in that space, fearful to ever bring in another person.

Do you have a “secret place” relationship with God?  With a spouse?  With a best friend?  With a business partner? 

How far out does that “circle of trust” extend?

1. You need a “secret place” with God.

“He that dwells in the secret place of the Most High will abide under the shadow of the Almighty” (Ps. 91:1).   God becomes our “secret place.”  We retreat into Him.  We know He will never betray us, never abandon us.  

In my strongest times of prayer, I envision myself with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit in His “secret place.”  Faith becomes easy:  it’s “trust.”  I relax.  I become transparent.  I feel accepted there.    I know my identity.  Prayer is a “secret place” with God.

2. You need a “secret place” with your spouse.

Marriage is easy, really.  It is “maintaining your secret place with your spouse.”  That secret place is more than sexual (though that is how it begins).  No one else is allowed into that space.  Your commitment is lifetime because you have taken them into the deepest secrets of your life.

Marriage is learning to relax with them, to be honest with them.  It is never fearing that they will take what you share in secret and broadcast it to the world.  That’s why marriage is so fulfilling:  there is someone there who will never betray your trust.

3. You need a secret place with your family.

Families are losing that secret place.  As families break up, betrayal and mistrust accelerates. 

Be loyal to your family.  Talk through potentially embarrassing issues in private and forgive each other.  Move together.  Fill the gaps between you with love, forgiveness, and acceptance.

4. You need a secret place with your friends.

I heard a great podcast about the “trust gap” with friends and co-workers.  When they do something to disappoint you, they create a “gap.”  You can either attack them about it (mistrust) or give them a chance to fill that gap (trust).

If someone creates a “trust gap,” say to them, “You know I trust you so I’m sure you have a good explanation for that gap.  Can you help me out to understand it?”  They may admit their failure.  They may give you insight into their dilemma.   

Let’s repopulate your “secret place.”  

Start with God who you know you can totally trust even when the whole world is attacking you. 

Restore the “secret place” of marriage by admitting your own failures and pledging your covenant. 

Finally, move to your family relationships and friend relationships.  

Life has no meaning when the only person in your “secret place”… is you.