Insecurity is a silent enemy.

It ruins your relationships.  It limits your leadership.  It shows up in every decision.  In essence, it is coloring your entire world.

How do you recognize it and conquer it?

People think that when they get married they will “never be lonely again.”  Wrong.

Loneliness in marriage is predictable.  The longer you live together, the less you feel the need to talk.  No wonder so many empty-nesters divorce after their kids leave:  the silence is deafening.

What causes it and how do we cure it?


 

I have noticed that children and parents seem to be drifting apart.  Weeks go by with little conversation or interaction.  My father-in-law, Jim Clark, taught me the greatest secret to raising kids:  the “family night.”

Here are my “top 10” ideas for a sustainable, fun “family night” that your kids will remember for the rest of their lives:

40 million adults in America suffer from some type of anxiety disorder. Millions more face routine worry and anxiety about the day-to-day challenges of life.  Finding peace of mind becomes the goal of every day. 

Of course, we know that chronic worry can be symptomatic of a deep underlying issue in your soul.  We should also not belittle the amazing results medical treatment has done to relieve anxiety. To me, however, we sometimes wear a worry “filter” about everything.  

What are some simple ways to get free from worry?

I’m concerned about the state of marriage right now.  The average U.S. marriage is only lasting 8 years and 2 months.  That averages in all the 40 year marriages like mine!  It may not be the ONLY solution, but it is PART of the solution:  “a weekly date night.”

Melanie and I have tried to practice this for many years.  When our six children all arrived, it became CRITICAL!

You need a break, a “deep breath” from the tremendous pressures of parenting.

       Here is how we did it: 

For a lot of couples, Valentine season is a difficult time.  They celebrate one more year but inwardly they know their marriage seems to be failing.  Often, marriages that seem outwardly successful are privately failing.  How can you fix a failing marriage? 

Marriage failures usually come down to four main causes:

We all want our children to turn out well.  Nothing thrills us more than seeing them go through school, marry well, excel in their career, and fulfill God’s purpose on their lives.  Raising children who love, respect, serve, marry well, and contribute to society is not easy.

Here are five principles Melanie and I followed for the entire 32 years we had children in our home:

As I go into restaurants and malls, I see parents struggling to maintain control of children.  They beg, bribe, and get angry.  The “little one” seems to come out victorious.  Sympathetic onlookers are tortured as they put themselves in the identical position.  What are the secrets that make it seem EASY?

Melanie and I raised our six children on these principles.  Everyone has a unique approach, but these are what worked well for us:

We are all human.   We set goals, we envision success.  What do you do when it all comes crashing down? I recently experienced a deep disappointment.  My ninth grandchild went to heaven in his 7th month in the womb.  His middle name was my name.

It was sudden.  It was unthinkable.  The pregnancy was perfect.  My daughter-in-law had to deliver that child and my son had to bury that child.

Disappointments are real and, unfortunately, unforeseen.

What are the secrets to managing disappointments?

You might be saying, “I don’t need this.  I would never have an issue with sexual temptation.” You are the perfect person to read this (see point one below!). Satan targets the most stable, fruitful leaders in an attempt to land a dart right in their heart.

Pay close attention to these thoughts and guard your heart:

The secret of your success is your ability to organize. A disorganized life is disastrous!  Your family, your marriage, your career, your ministry, your finances all suffer.  You keep trying to get ahead but your lack of organization is keeping you mediocre. I’m not the most organized person in the world.

Therefore, I can help you learn how a disorganized person can become…mainly organized:

Love is the most misunderstood word in the English language.  It mainly represents a feeling.  A “warm, fuzzy” feeling of gushing emotion.   I believe love is practical.  It engages in daily honor, respect, generosity, hospitality, and fidelity.  In Hebrews 13:1, Paul said four powerful words:  “Let brotherly love continue.”  Then, he went on to show us four practical ways that love is demonstrated on a daily basis. 

Try these out and see how your “love” is working for you:

Quick to hear…slow to speak…slow to anger.    Those three phrases in James used to bother me.  I had trouble with all three, especially the first one:  “Quick to hear.”   A better “translation” for me would have been, “Slow to listen…quick to speak…quick to get angry!”    Notice that your “listening” starts and controls the whole rest of the cycle.  First listening, then “words” and then your “emotions.”   

What are the secrets to better listening skills?

Most of us have dealt with a “prodigal” (rebellious, independent, foolhardy) child.  It’s true that some parents have never had a child drift away from their faith.  I have, and I can help you with that.

Here is what you do while you are still waiting…

A lot of people don’t believe in vacations.  They feel like they’re wasting time.  They hate to spend the money.  They like their own refrigerator! With six children, we figured out a way. 

Here are our “all-time favorite places” we went in 37 years of raising kids:

Fear and timidity can paralyze you.   Anxiety can control your every decision.   Confusion can totally derail your life’s focus.   The mind is the battleground of life.  You will inevitably face storms and crisis.   Your mind will be pressed to the breaking point.    How do you persevere until the sun breaks through again?

These three thoughts have always kept me on track:

Millions of marriages are smoldering.   The passion is gone.   The fire is almost out.   The excitement and astonishment left years ago. Marriages go through stages as Jesus said:  “hot, cold, and lukewarm.”  I’ve been married for 40 years and I’m sure I have been through all three of them!   If your marriage needs some “hot sauce,” I can help you with that.  

Ask yourself these 10 questions:

I’ve been married to Melanie, the woman of my dreams, for 40 years.  I’ve observed how she quietly, but powerfully, has shown her leadership prowess.

It's a shame that many of us men fail to realize the incredible potential in the godly leadership of a woman.  Deborah, the prophetess, was a “judge” over Israel (Judges 4).

What can Deborah teach us about leadership that works in a godly woman?

I have six children:  five sons and a daughter.  I have seven grandchildren with more on the way.  I’ve been raising children for 37 years.  I can help you do that if you need help.  It all starts with a father.  Mine just died at 97.  His life, ministry, and legacy is legendary.  Many of you did not have a “Bro. Roy.”  

I’m going to teach you what I learned from him and a few things I learned on my own about raising kids.

Steph Curry is the rage of the NBA.  He’s the greatest three-point shooter of all time.  He, his wife Ayesha, and their little girl Riley have become a model family for America.  What a lot of people don’t know, however, is that his parents led their family in a half-hour Bible devotion every morning before school.  I’m concerned about the families I see. We raised our six children with the Word of God at the center.  That’s probably why all six of them are involved in the ministry.

Here are five easy ways you can surround your family with Biblical truth: