Try This One Word That Will Absolutely End Marriage Conflict

“Who do you think I am, your slave?”

I’ve heard that phrase a hundred times as a biting rebuttal in marriage counselling.  And yet, Paul used that term of Jesus:  “Jesus emptied Himself, taking on the form of a servant” (Phil. 2: 7).

“Servant” meant that Christ laid aside the glory of heaven to come and lay down His life for us.  It meant He lived every day on earth for others.  It meant He was “owned” by God and had surrendered His personal rights.  

How can we apply this incredible truth about Christ  toward our marriages and relationships?

• I can die to my agenda and selfish ambition.

  Let’s face it:  it’s mostly “my will be done.”  We wake up and go the entire day accomplishing OUR will.  “Not only am I not particularly interested in your agenda, don’t get in the way of mine.”

  What if my will became helping you accomplish yours?

  True love is when my will has taken the back seat and I put your will (agenda, goals and purposes) first.  Imagine if two people in a marriage were doing that, all day, for EACH OTHER!

• I count you more significant than myself.

  You are important.  

  You are important enough for me to listen to intently.

  You are important enough for me to notice your every need.

  You are important enough for me to speak words that lift you up and keep you positive.

  Your significance, your development, your career, your health, your fun…everything about you is super-important to me.  

  Instead of dishonoring and disregarding you, I treated you as royalty, a V.I.P, a celebrity far more important than myself.

• I want to know your interests.

  In our hard conversations, I want to hear your interests and help you attain them.

  People fight and argue over issues and opinions.  They argue over who is to blame after failures.  They argue over roles and attack identities.  All of that goes nowhere.

  Seek to hear their “interests.”  Behind the yelling and tantrums, what are they trying to say they need but cannot obtain?  

  Discover their interests.  SERVE them by helping them to finally possess them.

• I yield to you and you yield to me.

  “Yield to obey each other as you would to Christ” (Eph. 5: 21).

  This verse prefaces Paul’s teaching on the roles of husbands and wives.  He was very clear on those roles.  

  However, sustaining those roles only happens when both parties are mutually willing to yield to the other.

  We work together.  We prefer each other.  We share reponsibilities.  We don’t dominate or control each other.  We are fellow-heirs of Christ.  

  You see the difference it makes when we lay aside our positions, ambitions, and privileges and seek to serve our partner?

Let’s make this a year of “serving:”

1. Let’s help others reach their agendas.

2. Let’s honor them as significant and a “V.I.P.”.

3. Let’s quit arguing and listen for their interests.

4. Let’s yield to one other as unto Christ.

“SERVANT”:  What a difference one word can make.