Stop An Argument COLD By Thinking About These 4 Things
I don’t know about you but an argument is a hard thing for me. What’s hard about it? STOPPING IT.
I hate to even get into an argument. But shutting it down is much more difficult. Proverbs says, “The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out” (Prov. 14:17).
It sounds easy, but actually doing it is more difficult!
Here are some techniques to remember when you find yourself “cross-threaded” with someone else:
It may be none of your business.
“Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears” (Prov. 26: 17). Our modern vernacular would be, “You don’t have a dog in that hunt!”
A lot of arguments are about things that are not our business. We step into someone else’s quarrel. We pick on someone else’s sensitive spot.
If the argument does not affect you personally, stay out of it. Back out of it gracefully with an apology if you realize you have no business arguing about that with someone.
Notice who it is you are arguing with.
Sometimes we fall into an argument with what the Bible calls a “scoffer”: “Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out, and quarreling and abuse will cease.” (Prov. 22:10)
Some people LOVE a good argument! If you remember in the middle of a heated exchange that the person you are arguing with is notorious for arguing, shut it down.
“Hey, I’m sorry I even brought this up. We’re good friends and it’s not that big of a deal.” A smile, a pat on the shoulder can help them see you are “friend” and not “foe.”
Be sure the argument is not based on hearsay.
Rumors, gossip, and “whispering” feeds many arguments. People pass on dainty morsels of hearsay and incite you to rush to someone’s defense.
“For lack of wood, the fire goes out; and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases (Prov. 26: 20).
Sometimes it’s better to just listen. Tale-bearers run out of steam if they can’t get a “rise” out of you about something or someone. When they realize you are not responding, change the subject and MOVE ON.
Remember that a quarrel can turn into a feud.
A small disagreement, disappointment, or misunderstanding can turn into years of offence if it gets out of control.
“A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.” (Prov. 18:19)
Manage it. Minimize it. It’s not worth the long-term damage to that brother. Keep it a “sand castle” before it turns into a “fortified castle.”
Arguments are inevitable. We have differences of opinions, experiences, and perspectives.
That’s why we are human.
As believers (and leaders) we must balance controversy with conciliation. We must dialogue without disagreeableness.
Squirt out the “spark” before it burns down the forest.